What It Feels Like
by Andy and Kevin French
Summary: Boom Boom faces her past. Rated M for a reason.


A/N: Yo, Alice here. It was a rare beautiful home-workless night when Stevie gave me this fic. I read it, and I re-wrote about half. She was lovely and supportive, even though I totally changed it :P I love you Stevie! D Wanda/ Rouge is in the works, but don't expect it any time soon.Well, maybe. I am just swamped :P BTW, Stevie put the song in the original and I kept it because it totally fit. "What it feels like for a Girl" or something by Madonna  
  
Enjoy. Angst, Implied Incest, and cussing. A TOTAL R.  
  
"What it feels like for a girl"  
by Stevie & Alice Storm  
  
"Just Boom"  
  
* * *  
  
Girls can wear jeans And cut their hair short Wear shirts and boots 'Cause it's OK to be a boy But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading 'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading But secretly you'd love to know what it's like Wouldn't you What it feels like for a girl  
  
* * *  
  
Tabitha held onto the strap of her duffle bag as she wandered down the dark and damp streets of downtown New York. Her widened eyes moved around her surroundings, even though she could take down most any potential (human) threat, she still had a twinge of un-easiness.  
  
This is what life had left for her, she was no longer an X-man or a Brotherhood girl. She wouldn't return home, that's for sure, her mother was a hopeless crack whore and she refused to go back to that. She'd rather die first.  
  
After the Sentinels attack she had thought maybe there was a place for her with the X-men. But no, she couldn't live a life like that, she didn't have enough discipline.  
  
Tabitha sighed, She felt so bad about leaving Amara like that. The two were best friends, and she didn't even have the balls to say goodbye.  
  
Tabitha never could say goodbye, It was always:  
  
"Hey! Don't Worry! I'll be back!"  
  
or.  
  
"I'll write!"  
  
Never the words she longed to say, "Goodbye".  
  
When her father was being pulled off to jail she was aching inside to tell him those words, "Goodbye Dad, This is Goodbye" her mind spoke but her mouth replied, "See you later, Daddy".  
  
Tabitha rubbed her temples sorely, once, when she was a little girl her mother left for 6 long months, Tabitha was so scared her mother had died or, what the boy down the street had told her, her mother had been abducted by evil space aliens. When her mother returned she said to her as she was in a fit of tears, "Stop crying Tabbi-Cat I came back".  
  
Yeah, she came back with a man on her arm she learned to be her father. Her real father had left her and her mother when he learned of his wife's pregnancy. Following, she had known over 6 men to be her father until her mother finally stuck with him.  
  
{He smelt like beer-stinky, skanky beer.his warm breath stuck to her neck and she shuddered.}  
  
Timidly, she had smiled at him when her mother had announced their union. Her mother glared at her and cleared her throat, prodding her shoulder with one of her long manicured nails. "H-Hi Daddy" she greeted awkwardly.  
  
"Hey Pretty Little Girl" was his reply to her, in drunken gee.  
  
{Why are his eyes like that?}  
  
In most of her childhood following, her two parents, her two 'role models' hadn't remained sober. She learned and saw things she never imagined she'd see.  
  
{this isn't right, daddy.please don't make me.}  
  
When Tabitha turned 11 her mother went through some amazing change, her mother wanted to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother. Her step-father didn't change though, he remained a stupid druggie who she was forced to satisfy when her mom was passed out.  
  
{"just lay still.pretty little girl"}  
  
Tears rolled down her cheeks, it was so hard growing up, but she always wore a happy face. She was a little trooper, as her father had called her.  
  
her father.  
  
she ducked into an alley-way and started to vomit into a dumpster.  
  
* * *  
  
Silky smooth Lips as sweet as candy, baby Tight blue jeans Skin that shows in patches  
  
* * *  
  
She felt presences around her, the click of a pop-out knife.  
  
Tabitha looked around her as five men circled around her, "Problem here?" she questioned gripping her duffle bag securely.  
  
"Hey Pretty Lady" one of them said, "Why don't you give us your bag, huh?".  
  
Tabitha glared at him, "Why should I? It's my bag".  
  
Tabitha lifted a hand into the air, and created an energy bomb in the palm of her hand "You wanna mess with a mutie?" she asked smiling sweetly.  
  
"Hmm? No, I didn't think so".  
  
Tabitha hurled the bomb at the ground, it exploded, and as the smoke cleared she was gone running off down the street.  
  
She turned around and blew a kiss, "Bye boys!".  
  
Tabitha grinned, but it was empty. the explosions make things easier, don't they?  
  
* * *  
  
Strong inside but you don't know it Good little girls they never show it When you open up your mouth to speak Could you be a little weak  
  
* * *  
  
Her blonde hair bounced at the sides of her face, as she turned onto the next street, still running.  
  
She was just a little girl, it hadn't been right. She could deal with the poverty. She had learnt to deal with her whore of a mother. but she couldn't deal with him.  
  
Well, in the end, she had. Or she had been forced to.  
  
You know, they always say that your supposed to tell someone. Your supposed to let your mom know and she'll make everything better.  
  
She hadent.  
  
She had slapped her and told her to shut up and take it.  
  
{she wailed. Tabby wailed. "You're a whore" drooled her mom, fat body indenting the couch. tears streaked her face. "just like you, Ma?"}  
  
* * *  
  
Do you know what it feels like for a girl Do you know what it feels like in this world For a girl  
  
* * *  
  
The day she left after Mystique had so rudely demanded who she was she looked back at him after calling "Fine then! I'm out of here!"  
  
but she wished they had wanted her to stay.  
  
why hadn't they wanted her too stay?  
* * *  
  
Hair that twirls on finger tips so gently, baby Hands that rest on jutting hips repenting  
  
* * *  
  
She felt free.  
  
Freedom at last.  
  
She had felt this freedom only once before, when she was a member of the "Bayville Sirens". That was the kind of life she wanted, fighting along side her friends, kicking bad ass before bedtime. Why'd it end? Why did it have to end?  
  
Spiderman didn't stop swinging around the city in red spandex just because a cop told him, "I won't arrest you if you stop vigilanting right now".  
  
Well, it wasn't like the other girls wanted that life or needed it. Amara, Jean, Rogue, and Kitty were X-men, they had a cushy mansion to go home too. She was barely surviving, being a vigilante she had an escape. It was nice.  
  
* * *  
  
Hurt that's not supposed to show And tears that fall when no one knows When you're trying hard to be your best Could you be a little less  
  
* * *  
  
Tabitha jumped over a trashcan blocking her way, the rain was lightening and the sky was clearing off it's clouds. Her run would end soon, as the rain would stop completely.  
  
She wanted to run forever, she wouldn't have to deal with life, she wouldn't have to deal with the pain of it all.  
  
Tabitha came to a stop and brought her hands to her face, they were warm and soothing from the energy bomb and a relief as the cold of New York hit her.  
  
It wasn't so cold in Bayville, It being a suburb just outside the city.  
  
Tabitha had grown up in New York, in this area. She was grateful that when she was recruited it was when she was on one of her 'runaways' and the X- men didn't see her true home.  
  
It wasn't something to be proud of.  
  
Jean lived in a mini mansion, her parents were two brilliant college professors who gave everything to her on a silver platter.  
  
Amara was a princess!  
  
Rahne was.well.Rahne was sort of in the same boat but she had Moira! And still growing up she lived in a castle.  
  
Ray.well she didn't know much about Ray.  
  
Roberto too had been given everything he ever wanted.  
  
Kitty had the perfect parents and lived a nice life.  
  
Jubilee had great foster parents!  
  
Evan had an amazing aunt and two great parents who supported him.  
  
Scott lived in a pretty nice orphanage.okay maybe not.she shouldn't really compare her life to him.  
  
Sam had an amazing family! He grew up in a nice environment.  
  
Bobby was the son of a lawyer and a doctor.  
  
Kurt, though having to hide, had a nice German mother and father and two great brothers.  
  
{ "what are those cuts on your arms, Tabitha?" asked the school teacher. "I fell down ma'm." "Oh. Would you..wait here, Tabitha?" the teacher got a weird kind of look on her face. "Yes". Tabitha squirmed in her seat. She was supposed to tell the truth to grown ups. that's what everyone said, anyways. Tears welled up in teachers eyes, and she went away. Tabitha swung her legs and hummed, gazing uninterestedly at the pictures on the door of her third grade classroom. She didn't tell the teacher she had tried to suicide herself. she was afraid she'd get in trouble.}  
* * *  
  
Do you know what it feels like for a girl Do you know what it feels like in this world For a girl  
  
Hair that twirls on finger tips so gently, baby Hands that rest on jutting hips repenting  
  
Hurt that's not supposed to show And tears that fall when no one knows When you're trying hard to be your best Could you be a little less  
  
* * *  
  
She frowned on this, she was being silly she so nicely left out the bad of her friends lives just to make herself feel better.  
  
They wouldn't look down on her.  
  
She should've known that.  
  
Maybe that was one of the reasons she left.  
  
After her father came to Bayville and asked her too steal that money promising to leave her alone if she did, it was too good to be true! All her nightmares about him showing up and telling everyone about her past would go away. Her father may have been a hopeless greedy pervert, but he was a man of his word.  
  
She knew stealing was wrong, but for what she'd get in return she'd do it!  
  
And in a heartbeat she did, then when things fell through she felt like a complete ass, she only saw her fellow X-men looking down on her.  
  
"You stole Tabitha" she imagined they'd scowl.  
  
"What kind of X-men are you?"  
  
"No wonder considering what you came from".  
  
What she came from.  
  
A hopeless whore and a baby-fucking pervert.  
  
She didn't care.  
  
* * *  
  
Do you know what it feels like for a girl Do you know what it feels like in this world What it feels like for a girl  
  
* * *  
  
Tabitha darted off to the side, and slummed against a wall. She shut her eyes, she could almost hear Amara crying for her to come back.  
  
Why didn't she?  
  
Didn't she just realize they wouldn't hate her?  
  
She knew they'd greet her with open arms.  
  
Then she could carry on, she could live a good life.  
  
{"NO MORE!" she screamed, throwing her binder at him. He just dodged it. "I am NOT going to fuck you ever again, you bastard." she had spat. his eyes had flared up.  
  
She knew what was coming, but she wasn't just going to lay on her back and take it. He would rape her, sure, same as every night, but she was putting up a fight this time.}  
  
She couldn't carry on.  
  
The mask she wore was slipping, she could feel it.  
  
The Fun Loving Blonde mask.  
  
The Scared Little Girl was starting to show.  
  
* * *  
  
Strong inside but you don't know it Good little girls they never show it When you open up your mouth to speak Could you be a little weak  
  
* * * Tabitha pushed the bag up on her shoulder and sighed.  
  
The wounds would never heal, not completely.  
  
She would always feel bad and a little dirty.  
  
but ultimately, she knew that she was slowly getting stronger,  
  
and it was all on her own  
  
she smiled.  
  
there was no one else helping her.  
  
* * *  
  
Strong inside but you don't know it Good little girls they never show it When you open up your mouth to speak Could you be a little weak  
  
* * *  
  
{She laid, curled up on the side walk. A man approached. "Tabitha?"  
  
"Fuck off."  
  
"Tabitha, I know your hurting."  
  
"Screw yourself. How do you know my name!?!"  
  
the aroma of her fathers charred flesh floated around her.  
  
"You would be surprised what I know. But allow me to introduce myself. I am Prof. Charles Xavier. And I am here to help you." }  
* * *  
  
Do you know what it feels like for a girl Do you know what it feels like in this world For a girl  
  
* * * Three weeks later, a different Tabitha pulled up to the institute.  
  
She had made her peace.  
  
She had found her mom in a graveyard. She had loitered at her grave for about a week.  
  
She had found her dad was living in Hell's Kitchen, with his new girlfriend and her two daughters.  
  
She had made her peace, and she had anonymously tipped off child services.  
  
She hoped they did more for them then they did for her.  
  
She punched in her security code.  
  
They should of changed the code, she thought, grinning.  
  
* * *  
  
In this world Do you know Do you know Do you know what it feels like for a girl What it feels like in this world  
  
* * * "Tabitha. You've come back home." Said the professor, smiling knowingly.  
  
Tabitha nodded, and grinned her signature goofy grin.  
  
"Yup. Like a moth to a flame."  
  
"Ah.I would probably consider you more like the flame then the moth. But its still lovely to have you back."  
  
"Its great to be back."  
  
And it was.  
* * *  
  
A/N: Well, there it is, folks. Yup..I AM POOPED!  
  
Catman: Awww, Wittle Alice tired? Does she want her bwanky?  
  
Alice: Damn straight I want my Bwanky, Cat!  
  
(Curls up and sleeps) 


End file.
